One of the most frustrating romantic situations is when a woman keeps you in limbo. What exactly does being kept “in limbo” mean? It’s when you’re somewhere in between. Basically, she won’t participate in the courtship or relationship, but she won’t let you go either. She’s keeping things very neural, but still saying all the things that you want to hear in order to keep you hanging on.
This sort of situation breeds toxicity, because you’re getting frustrated and feeling used with no end in sight. You call her out, but her attitude is like, “what’s the big deal?” She is more or less acting like you should be happy with the little attention she gives you, because hey, it’s better than nothing, right? But, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s NOT better than nothing. You’re not getting what you want and deserve. It’s holding you back from achieving that with other women who actually want to see you and spend time with you.
In a nutshell, her continuing to talk to you without acting on anything is her offer of a consolation prize. And no self respecting man is going to accept a consolation prize.
All this leads to arguments, resentment, contempt and all kinds of negative emotions that will never get better unless something changes. It’s no picnic for her either.
The Reason You’re In Limbo
Part of the reason why she’s keeping you in limbo is, because you’re allowing it. The reason you’re allowing it is due to you genuinely liking or loving the girl, and for some it’s a sign of a low self worth. You’re really hoping that she’ll come to her senses and things will turn around. Believe me I understand, I’ve been there.
The other part of the reason she’s doing this is, because either she’s just not that into you and keeping you on the back burner in case she can’t find someone else; or there’s something going on her life that’s holding her back from pursuing something more concrete with you. That could be any number of things; perhaps something with her family or maybe even another guy. It really doesn’t matter the reason because, unfortunately, the outcome is the same; she’s not with you, she’s not coming to you and you’re left frustrated, unhappy and unfulfilled.
All the while she’s telling you how great you are, how cute you are, how funny you are, how she can’t wait to see you, or maybe even how much she loves you. However, you’re still not seeing her or getting together in any sort of romantic or sexual context. She’s basically just giving you breadcrumbs; just enough to keep you on the hook. She’s stringing you along.
She’s Making This More Difficult
Most likely she’s giving you some sort of an excuse; one after another. At first they seem like perfectly logical and legitimate reasons why she can’t, but eventually you’re starting to see just how ridiculous this all is, while you’re getting more frustrated and resentful.
You may speak up and call her out, but all you get in return is either anger from her for “pressuring her”. Often times you even get some manipulative explanation as to why it’s such a good idea that you two remain in contact; or even worse, she twists it around to where you are the selfish and unreasonable one. She’s basically trying to lay some guilt trip on you as a way to control and manipulate you.
She may even begin giving you false hope by making dates with you only to cancel them before the date. I’ve even experienced this where the woman actually tried to gaslight me, telling me that I never actually made a date and I made it all up just as a way to make her feel bad. You see how manipulative women can get in these sort of situations? She’s putting all the blame onto you.
Being In Limbo Isn’t Just Patience
A lot of men believe that if they just hang in there long enough that she will recognize how loyal you are; that it will all eventually work in your favor where she’ll just run into your arms. You believe she will be thankful for how you hung in there and never gave up. However, the truth is, that will never happen. That sort of thing may happen in the movies, but in real life you waiting around, depriving yourself of the love and happiness you deserve for HER comfort is really only lowering your own value, or perceived value.
In other words, you putting her comfort and happiness above your own is pedestalizing her, ultimately lowering your value in her eyes. Know this, in order for you to maintain a woman’s attraction she must look UP to you, in terms of respect and admiration. When you put a woman up on a pedestal, she’s essentially now looking down on you. Why wouldn’t a woman keep you in limbo when she has that much control over you?
What Is “Pedestalizing”?
Pedestalizing is you putting a woman on a pedestal, it’s mostly about seeing her as a treasure, or better than yourself. I’m sure you have heard men say things like, “I’m so lucky she chose me” or “I would be nothing without her”. That mindset is putting her on a pedestal. Men convey this by doing exactly what I just said; putting her needs, her happiness, her comfort above their own.
Of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving your girl and feeling that she’s an amazing woman. There’s nothing wrong with feeling lucky for you two having found each other; I mean, a great connection and intense chemistry between two people is very rare. You just can’t lose sight of who you are, what you bring to the table, and your own wants and needs. If you don’t put your own happiness first, how are you going to be able to bring happiness to anyone else? You can’t. As the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
So, you cannot continue to put her needs and comfort first when she’s selfishly keeping you in limbo. In other words, do not wait for her to make up her mind. You’re only holding yourself back from finding happiness with another girl who won’t be giving you the run-around. You want a girl who wants to spend time with you, a girl who won’t be giving you excuses, a girl who will make time for you.
Pay Attention To Her Actions
One of the most important things for you to ALWAYS remember is, you must pay attention to a woman’s actions, more than her words. In this case, her lack of action is telling you all you need to know. She could tell you how much she likes you until she’s blue in the face, but if she’s not making an effort to see you or to grow the relationship, her words are meaningless. If she’s not making the effort, then you must stop investing any of your time, energy and emotions into this woman.
Besides the fact that you’re wasting your time and energy, your “relationship” has turned into a phoneship. This is where you more or less have turned into her chat buddy, or male girlfriend, and not seeing each other physically. You’re venturing further away from what you want; being her lover. Instead of getting closer to her, like you may think you’re doing by hanging on and being there for her, you’re actually moving further away.
Unfortunately it will have to be you who must put an end to this. She’s getting your validation and some sort of emotionally fulfillment from you. So, she most likely will not be the one to cut the cord. I mean, why would she want ruin a good thing, right? She’s getting everything, you’re getting nothing.
You’re Giving Her Validation
Women get validation from attention. It’s not like us, where we need that physical affection before we feel validated by a woman. So, as long as a woman is holding your attention, and even more so if you’re complimenting her and loyal to her, she’s feeling very validated. She doesn’t need to see you or be in your physical presence for her to feel that. This could go on forever with you never seeing her, keeping you in limbo indefinitely.
Her using you for her emotional fulfillment is really no different than you using her for your sexual fulfillment. Imagine how upset and hurt she would be if you were just giving her your time so you could sleep with her, then give her nothing more. You would be using her. So, her only interacting with you so she feels emotionally fulfilled is really the same thing. Men and women have different needs.
So, you have to put an end to this. Give it one last shot and try to arrange a date. If she agrees, then there might be some life left in the relationship. If she declines, and it doesn’t matter what excuse she’s giving you, whether it sounds legit or not, that’s it. Tell her that you adore her, but you will have to go your separate ways. Follow that with telling her that she should get in touch if she has a change of heart in the future. Then move on. You are no longer going to tolerate being kept in limbo.
What You Can Expect
One of two things will happen here. Either she will move on too, which tells you that she just wasn’t that into you anyway. She just saved you a ton of time and effort by moving on. Or, she won’t let you go. She will be in touch some time in the future, hopefully with a different attitude. But you have to stick to your terms, because there’s a very good chance that she will try to get this phoneship back again. She was getting all the validation and you were getting nothing in return but aggravation and frustration. Keeping you in limbo was a great deal for her and she’s not going to want to let that go easily.
This Isn’t Easy
I’m not going to sugar coat this for you, if you have strong feelings for her it won’t be easy to remain strong when she tries to offer you the same thing. You’re going to be relieved to hear from her at first. But, if she’s offering you the same thing again, she’s just giving you false hope as a way to keep you dangling on the hook. Don’t fall for it. It’s a trap!
Of course this is much easier if you have no real prior relationship with her. As an example, if you’ve recently met her or you only went out on a couple of dates, if any. There was no strong emotional bond or attachment yet. Where this gets very difficult is when you actually have some history with her and a strong emotional bond. Perhaps she’s an ex dangling the carrot over your head, or you’re technically still a couple, but she did a major pull away and is essentially just playing games with you.
But you have to remind yourself that YOU are the prize; not her, but you. And when you see yourself as the prize, you won’t be tolerating her dangling the carrot, jerking you around and keeping you limbo.
Taking Yourself Out Of Limbo
It’s best that you get back out there right away and begin dating again if you weren’t already. Getting hung up on a girl who isn’t reciprocating just zaps you of all your energy. Believe it or not, it’s actually making you less attractive to both the girl whom you’re hung up on, and any new women you meet.
Allowing yourself to be kept in limbo is very unhealthy, and it’s just a terrible position for you to be in. Realistically, it’s really the friend zone, which is another situation where it’s great deal for her, but a terrible deal for you. And if she limits your interactions to the phone, well, that’s even worse than the friend zone; it’s the phone zone.
I Can Help You
Is your girl keeping you in limbo? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.
If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.
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