This is for those of you whose ex dumped you, you’re in no contact, but she still contacts you. You’re wondering, why is my ex still contacting me? I’ve been through this before, myself, where I’m thinking, “YOU ended things with ME, so why are you still contacting me? I’m not contacting you. What gives?” It’s mixed signals and it can be quite frustrating. Especially when she refuses to meet up, or is showing no signs of actually wanting to reconcile, besides contacting you. It can be quite selfish on their part, but there are some ways to subtly push this along, or push her away so you can heal and move on.
The tips I’m going to give you here are for those of you that never wanted the breakup in the first place and you’re hoping to get your ex back. If you have no desire to rekindle anything with your ex, then just ignore her and eventually she’ll stop contacting you. But if you do want to rekindle things, then you need to find out whether she’s in or out. You don’t want to waste your time and emotional energy on someone who has no desire for a reconciliation. You can do better, and deserve better, than that!
Why Is My Ex Still Contacting Me?
There’s really 3 reasons why your ex-girlfriend may still be contacting you.
She’s keeping you on the hook to make the breakup easier for her.
One of the biggest reasons as to why your ex still contacting you is purely selfish. She wants to make it easier on herself. Even though she was the one who initiated the breakup, the sudden loss is a shock for her too. She’s also filled with separation anxiety and grieving the loss. So, she’ll keep in contact with you to make the transition much easier for her. She’s essentially weening herself off of you to soothe her own anxiety. As soon as she feels better, or meets someone new–adios. She’s suddenly gone. And if you get upset, she’s just going to say, “Well we’re broken up. This shouldn’t be a surprise to you.”
She’s keeping you as a backup just in case she made a mistake.
Why is your ex still contacting you? Another big reason is to keep you as a backup option. This is really just another version of the friend-zone. This way, if she realizes that she made a mistake by breaking-up with you, or things don’t work out with a new man in her life, she knows you’re still there, waiting for her.
She misses you way more than she thought she would.
Unfortunately, this is usually the least likely reason why your ex is still contacting you. In this case, she’s very confused. She ended things because of a loss of attraction, but now she feels that her heart is being pulled back to you. In short, she really doesn’t know what she wants. And it’s only you projecting your most attractive qualities that will sway her back into your arms.
Does My Ex Want Me Back?
No matter what the reason is that she’s still contacting you, it could go either way for you, depending on how you behave and handle the situation. So, what do you do here in order to figure out exactly what she wants from you and if you have a chance to rekindle your romance?
You want to ASSUME that she’s contacting you because she misses you and wants to see you. Why? Because with this mindset you’ll be much more confident when interacting with her. You’ll be much more direct with her, cutting to the chase rather than chit chatting on the phone. As I’ve talked about before, a little back-n-forth of the the typical pleasantries, then confidently get right to the point.
“I’d love to see you. Why don’t we get together. When are you free?”
If she agrees, make a date with her–a definite date. If she’s showing resistance, being wishy-washy, or flat out rejects you; politely end the conversation.
“I’m a bit tied up at the moment. So I have to let you go. It was great hearing from you. Keep in touch!”
This communicates that the door is still open for her, but you’re not going to waste your precious time for this sort of uncertainty, or game playing. If she contacts you again, you will do the same thing. This is the last time you’re going to try and arrange a date, however. If she doesn’t agree to getting together after the second attempt, it’s up to her to bring it up from then on.
Is Your Ex STILL Contacting You?
If she continues to contact you, but won’t agree to a date, you’re just going to keep making the interaction shorter and shorter. To keep the door open, always ending with ‘keep in touch’. Either she will eventually stop contacting you, or she’ll arrange a meet up. The idea is to only give her your time if she’s willing to see you face to face. If she’s not willing to put in the effort to do that, then you’re not willing to give her your time. This is essentially a negotiation. If she’s not going to give you what you want, then you’re not going to give her what she wants. This is quite difficult when you’re anxious, grieving and in love with someone. But you know what’s even more difficult?
Being strung along for weeks or months where you can’t heal, you can’t move on and all that pain you’re feeling is being stretched out over all that time.
I Can Help You
Do you need help understanding why is your ex still contacting you, or getting your ex back? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency coaching.
If you have found any of this info of value & you would like to show your appreciation, please donate here. Thank you!