When your girlfriend pulls away, seemingly for no reason at all, is one of the most confusing things men face in dating and relationships. Everything was going great and suddenly she’s not texting you back, or not as quickly, or perhaps she’s canceling or not available for dates, or she flat out says that she needs some space. You begin to wonder, “what the hell just happened? did I say or do something wrong? Is she upset with me? Is there another dude? Has she lost feelings?” While any of those scenarios could be true, the fact is that women will always pull away from you from time to time. It doesn’t mean it’s the end.
When Your Girlfriend Pulls Away
The reasons your girlfriend pulls away can be several; maybe she’s either going through some personal issues, or perhaps she’s a bit hormonal. The most likely reason is that she’s just become a bit too familiar with you. Things between you two have gotten a little easy and predictable, and she needs some time and space away from you to see how she feels, or if she misses you. Basically, her attraction for you has dropped a bit. You can argue that her attraction has dropped; however, when women are feeling a high level of attraction for you they WANT to see you, they WANT to talk to you. They will do what it takes to make that happen. Attraction trumps everything!
How to Handle When Your Girlfriend Pulls Away
Do not chase her! When our girlfriend pulls away, for most of us, the logical response is to start laying on the love and romance a bit thicker in order to try to get her feelings, or attraction back up. As counter-intuitive as it seems, the best way to handle this is to just let her go and let her re-engage when she’s ready. Even if your relationship is on the cusp of a breakup, this is the best way to respond.
Having emotional self-control and patience during a time like this demonstrates your internal strength. Women find this to be a very attractive quality in a man. It’s important to always remember, women find strength in a man attractive, like men find beauty in women attractive. So, acting weak, needy, desperate and chasing her will only repulse her and push her away further. Women intuitively know that if they pull back, and you don’t chase her, that you have confidence and certainty in yourself, in her and in the relationship.
She also needs to know that she has the freedom to become emotional and pull away, and that you will still be there with open arms when she’s ready to come back. If you get emotional when your girlfriend pulls away, she won’t be able to trust you or feel emotionally safe around you. However, at the same time, you don’t want to become her doormat. So, know what you’re willing to accept and what you won’t tolerate.
Attraction Grows in Space
Studies have proven that women are more attracted to men when they’re uncertain about his feelings. She needs to think about you and wonder about you when you’re not around. Her love and attraction for you is actually increasing when this happens. When your girlfriend pulls away, letting her go, or you backing away a bit, is the only way that will cause her attraction for you to begin to increase.
Handling it this way is actually a win-win. Either her attraction will begin to rise again, or you can begin moving on much easier if her attraction has dropped beyond repair. Unfortunately, her attraction dropping too low and being unrecoverable does happen from time to time. In that case, just letting her go is your best move.
How To Avoid Her Pulling Away in The Future
You don’t want to allow you two to becoming too familiar. This means doing things like, over-communicating, seeing each other everyday, etc. Obviously this is a bit tougher if you’re married or living together. So, it’s best that both you and her have independence outside the relationship, where you both do your own thing. As a man, you do this by focusing a little more on yourself and your mission and/or purpose in life. It’s okay to be a little selfish and self involved. By keeping some of your independence, it will naturally create a little space and mystery between you two.
Most people believe that, when you’re a couple you must do everything together. However, when you’re always together it leaves you with nothing to talk about, no new stories to share, or new things to look forward to. As I mentioned, by you having some independence, it creates a little mystery and challenge for her, which, ultimately, helps keep her engaged and attracted to you. Just be sure that you do make time especially for her, where you can be fully present with her. Otherwise she will start to feel as if you don’t care about her and eventually this will push her away.
Statistics show that one of the biggest reasons why women leave men is because the man is not fully present. So, it’s a delicate balance between giving her too much and not giving her enough. You have to figure out where that balance is in your own relationship, because everyone is different.
When Your Girlfriend Pulls Away, Then Comes Back
You want to be a bit less available to her. Go do your own thing for while and respond to her when you get a chance. This is not to punish her, but slowly pull her back in and facilitate her growing attraction. You also don’t want to ask her out or to get together right away, either. Let it go for a week or so. If she’s really missing you, she will begin to bring up wanting to see you. Then you simply make a date with her.
You also want to cut back on your communication a bit; whether it’s text, phone calls, chat or social media. And when you do communicate, end the conversation early a few times. Like in show business, or a cliffhanger at the end of a TV show, this leaves her wanting more of you. When you do finally see her in person, don’t touch her as much. Let her put in a little effort. Resist her a bit and let her come to you. After all, she was the one who pulled away from you. You never want to reward bad behavior.
Basically the idea here is, you want her to be a little frustrated vs giving her too much. Women would much rather be a little frustrated about not being able to see you as much as they would like, as opposed to, seeing you too much. The masculine role is to lead the interaction. So, it’s your job, men, to maintain the mystery.
I know it sounds like game-playing, but it’s not if you are truly busy with your own life. If you’re sitting around watching TV, smoking bowls and ignoring her texts or phone calls; then yes, that’s playing games.
Keep In Mind…
All women want a man of high-value; or at least what they perceive to be of high value. A man of value is busy with his own mission and purpose in life, and he can’t just drop everything for her. Chasing her, acting needy and desperate lowers your value, because she knows that she can have you whenever she wants. You will become too easy, and no one appreciates that which comes easy to them.
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