When Your Girl Stops Putting In Effort

Just about all of us, at one point or another, have been in a relationship where our girl has stopped putting in the effort at one point or another. Perhaps she’s just not investing in you & the relationship like she once did. Maybe she’s not as available as she once was. Could she be lacking the same enthusiasm about you & the relationship? Maybe even the sex has tapered off or has become nonexistent. These are all causes for concern, especially when you’re still completely invested in her. It can be frustrating & even scary, thinking that she’s losing interest. Of course sometimes she IS losing interest, but other times it’s not always a simple reason, but it CAN be turned around.

She stopped putting in effort

It’s Not Always About You

At first, it’s best that you give a woman a little space. Oftentimes that’s all it takes; giving her a little space & she will eventually notice the distance between you two & do what it takes to close the gap. There will be times when your girl is going through a difficult time, whether that mean she’s stressed from her job, having an argument with one of her girlfriends, or perhaps even having some sort of health issue. When something like this is going on, you can expect to be a lower priority. You can’t expect your girl to ALWAYS have their attention on you 100% of the time. I mean, they have a life outside the relationship, just as you do. Regardless, most men become insanely needy & start whining, complaining, & almost begging for her attention & effort.

A woman’s attraction for a man CAN drop during situations such as this, & it rarely has anything to do with what you’ve been saying or doing. Unfortunately, there’s just not a lot a guy can do when her focus & priorities are elsewhere; at least not in the moment. This also could be the reason behind sex tapering off a bit as well; her stress. However, it’s far from the ONLY reason the sex will die down.

It Takes Two People

Of course you can be a little tolerant, patient & understanding of whatever it is she’s going through. But let’s face it, at the end of the day you’re still feeling like a low priority & maybe even like she’s losing interest or doesn’t care. When you’re committed to each other, that means you two work through these sort of things. This takes two people! It’s not just you sitting around, twiddling your thumbs & waiting for her to make you a priority again. Men lead. However, I guarantee it that if it were the other way around she would be quite hurt & upset despite what you’re going through. I’ve coached men whose girl left them because his attention was elsewhere, whether that be his career or even tending to a dying parent.

On the surface, it may seem quite selfish to be wanting her investment to be more, but what the hell are you supposed to do; pretend like you’re okay with it, or just accept it? No, you’re the prize & you deserve being treated as such, & not being treated like an afterthought. In this case, it’s natural for you to feel left out in the cold, & over time this leads to you eventually feeling like your girl just doesn’t care any longer. That can often lead to you falling out of love or leaving; or both. Basically, you’ve been put on the back burner & she expects you to wait around for her. She’s more or less putting you on hold.

Women Must Invest Too

If you’ve been watching my videos, I’m sure you’ve heard me say that you can’t do this sort of thing if you want to keep your girl. You must make her feel special & loved, but it’s really the same for women. Men tend to be a bit more tolerant of this sort of thing, but you have to look at it this way; there are plenty of other women out there that would be thrilled to have your attention right now.

Outside from what I just mentioned, part of the problem is that society teaches women that men are supposed to be doing everything to keep the romance alive. While it IS a man’s job to take the lead, like I said, it takes TWO people. If she’s not carrying her weight, you’ll just burn out, & worse, your value will begin to drop in her eyes, because she’s not doing anything to earn, nor maintain, your love & attention. Even if she still loves you deeply you can’t maintain a happy, healthy relationship based on good intentions.

Is She Putting In The Effort?

So, what I recommend that you do is to first confront her about her not putting in the effort. Don’t get emotional, mean or nasty. Just calmly, yet firmly, tell her something like, “Look, I love you, but I’ve been really feeling like this has been one sided lately. I don’t like feeling like a low priority & this just isn’t going to work for me”.

She may get a little defensive or question what you mean, but just stick to your guns. You expect her to hold up her end in the relationship. If she can’t or won’t, then the relationship just isn’t going to work. And that’s absolutely true; it won’t work. Like I said, you’ll burn yourself out & look like a chump in the end. After you’ve spoken to her about this, then give her some time to rectify the situation. It won’t happen overnight, & even if it did, you want to make sure that the changes stick; that it’s not just one time thing.

You Can’t Wait Forever

You want to put your own time limit on this, where if she doesn’t make the changes you expect by within a certain amount of time, you’re bowing out of the relationship. I recommend around a month, but you can put whatever time limit you’d like on this. Just be sure you don’t give her too much time, because if you do, she most likely won’t make the changes. Just don’t tell her that you’re putting a time limit on this. That will not go over well. If she doesn’t make the necessary changes by that time, then you have to end the relationship. I know it sucks, but the alternative is much worse. Trust me. If you feel like a low priority now, it will most likely get worse if you continue to tolerate this. Not to mention, it could lower your self esteem.

Don’t Nag Her

Be sure that you only have this talk with her once. If you keep bringing it up, it’ll only come across as whining & she will lose respect for you. It’s understandable that you want to remind her, because you don’t want to end the relationship, but she won’t perceive it that way.

I actually did that in a relationship of mine. I kept reminding her that she needs to make these changes & the girl actually said to me, “Quit whining!”And after a moment of shock, I realized that she was right…I was whining.

So, tell her once that this isn’t going to work for you, give her some time to rectify the situation, & if she’s still not carrying her weight, then I’m afraid it’s probably time to walk away.

Don't be controlling when making sure she's puting in the effort

One of two things will happen here; either she will not let you get away & do something about this, or she will let you go. If she let’s you go, this just means she didn’t care enough about you & she just saved you a ton of time & energy by not keeping you part of this when she has lukewarm feelings. If she cares at all, she will come for you. Hopefully this time she’ll be a bit more prepared to begin putting in effort into you & the relationship.

Balance Your Effort

For future reference, you want to be cognizant of how much effort you’re both putting into the relationship. Ideally, you want her to be putting in AT LEAST 60% of the effort, & you putting in NO MORE than 40%. Why the uneven numbers, you ask? This is a good balance in order to maintain HER attraction. The more effort she’s putting in, the more she will value you, because she’s earning it. The more perceived value you have, the higher her attraction & the deeper her love. If it’s 50/50, or you’re putting in more effort, her attraction for you begins to drop. Plus, a man being relationship focused is feminine energy. This is a turn-off to women. They want a masculine man.

It’s not always easy to maintain this dynamic, but whatever you do, do not let her effort drop below 50%, where you’re doing most of the work. Women won’t be putting in the effort if they notice you’re doing all the heavy lifting. Why would she? You’re doing the work for her.

Focus On Yourself

The rest of your effort should be dedicated to your purpose & building your value. While women may not like that balance on a conscious level, at the end of the day they want a high value man & you won’t have much value to her if you’re putting most of your energy into the relationship. Instead, pursue your goals & hobbies, work on your health & fitness, maintain & build your social circle. The better you are at this stuff & the more value you build, she’ll be working to maintain your interest & the relationship. When you have these dynamics in your relationship, the more confident you’ll be, & the happier & healthier the relationship will be despite what she, your family & friends, or society tells you.

I Can Help You

Has your wife or girlfriend stopped putting in the effort? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.

If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.

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