You’re too nice of a guy with women and nice guys are boring!
You’ve probably heard just about every woman that you’ve discussed the topic of what they’re looking for in a man say that she wants a “nice guy”. What she’s really saying is that she wants a strong and confident man who ignites passion and a burning attraction in her, and who is also kind. Being “too nice” does not elicit that kind of deep, burning passion that she wants to feel…it kills it. Have you ever heard a woman say that she’s not interested in a guy because he’s too confident, too sexy, too passionate?
It’s a bit of a balancing act, because you don’t want to be a jerk with women either. That also will not go over well with them. So where is that fine line between being too nice of a guy with women and igniting that burning sexual attraction without being a cold dick?
Lover vs Friend
When you’re too nice you are giving-off the vibe of being a good friend. The vibe that you want to communicate to her is that of being her lover. The friendship vibe is nice but it’s also predictable, satisfactory, average and overall dull. However, the lover vibe is passionate, sexy, raw, emotional and very exciting. It’s the difference between affection vs attraction. While both of those qualities are necessary in a healthy relationship, you must elicit attraction, or the lover vibe, first. Affection, or the friend vibe, will only work with women when it’s in addition to the already present sexual attraction.
The Traits of Being Too Nice?
Let me first begin by saying these are all traits that women do love, however the typical “nice guy” over does it, too soon, before there is sexual attraction, in hopes of winning her over. It’s inauthentic, manipulative and women can smell it a mile away. Remember guys, women are much more intuitive than us. They can sense these things. So what traits make you fall into the “too nice” category?
You’re at her beck and call every and any time she wants to get together or needs your assistance. Yes, on the surface that’s a good thing, however it also communicates that you have no life. I’m not suggesting you play games with her by pretending that you have other things going on though. This is an area of your life that needs improvement if you’re always available. Join a gym, attend social functions, meet new friends if you have too few.
If you find yourself continually asking her things such as; are you too cold, are you comfortable, can I get you anything, is everything ok…you are being too accommodating. Now there is nothing wrong with being accommodating to her, however when you are like this all the time it is basically telling her that you are lacking self worth and showing her that you fear that she may not like you if she isn’t completely comfortable. Besides, she’s a big girl and she can tell you if she’s uncomfortable.
We all know the ladies love compliments…hell, we all do! But many men use compliments in an insincere way thinking that she’s going to suddenly fall in love with him or fall onto her back with her legs in the air if he just says the right compliment. Trust me, this will not happen unless she is extremely insecure. Even then, she will eventually catch on.
You may have fallen into this trap where you agree with any and everything she has to say. Her favorite musician, you also love; her favorite food is also your favorite food; her political stance is now yours too. Now you may have these things in common naturally, however if you’re changing your opinion to match hers in hopes that she will like you more, you’re actually causing the opposite to happen. Basically, you’re communicating to her that you have no opinions of your own and/or that you’re afraid to stand up for your beliefs and values, and eventually she will begin to lose respect for you. Speak your mind and I promise it will have a positive affect on her.
Too Eager To Please
This is fairly self-explanatory; you’re jumping through hoops to please her. If she needs a ride to the store, you’re there; if she needs help moving to a new place, you’re there; if she needs someone to cry to about the guy that she is actually sexually attracted to, you’re there. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do these things for a woman (except the last one), but you’re more than likely doing it out of your need for her to like you, not because you want to. Other things that fall into this category are regular expensive dinners, gifts, flowers and even going out of your way to call her back right away. If you’re a man who has a fun and interesting life, either you don’t have the time for all of this or there is no need in trying to impress her.
Why is Too Nice a Bad Thing?
Besides what I have mentioned about it being boring for her, it also communicates that you are desperate, needy, insecure and seeking her approval. Women desire a man who is bold, confident, not afraid to speak his mind and who has a life that doesn’t revolve around her. She wants a man that has an attitude that says, “I really like you and think you’re sexy as hell…but if you’re not interested that’s fine, because I have plenty of other things going on in my life.” You may not be in this place in your life currently, however if you turn your focus to going after what you want in life much of the good qualities women look for in a man will come naturally for the most part. However there are some tweaks you can learn and apply to your approach, attitude and personality that will make her melt!
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