For many of you, dialing back (no pun intended) your texting habits is going to be difficult to overcome, especially for you younger guys. I know that many of you will use the excuse that, this is just the way people communicate these days. It doesn’t matter if you’re texting, making phone calls or using Morse code; too much texting or over communication on any device is going to lower attraction. That’s even more so the case if you, as a man, are the one doing a majority of the initiating.
Pros and Cons of Texting
In the context of dating women, there are good things about texting and there are bad things. What’s good about texting is being able to put a little thought into what you’re going to say, rather than just shooting from the hip. And, as I talked about in my video “How to Up Your Text Game”, it’s easy to create a fun and playful experience, only making you more attractive to girls you’re dating. Then there’s the dark side of texting; if you say something stupid that upsets her or turns her off, it’s saved on her phone FOREVER. She can look back at your dumbass text messages at anytime and be reminded how you made her feel in that moment.
Too Much Texting Lowers Attraction
The other downside of texting is that if it’s overdone, you’re essentially killing the mystery for her. Women love mysterious men and when you’re constantly contacting her through text, you’re filling in all the blanks for her without you even realizing it. She knows everything you’re up to, everything that happens throughout your day and by you responding so quickly to her, she intuitively knows you have little going on in your life besides her. There’s absolutely nothing mysterious about that!
I’ve shared this in some of my videos and articles in the past; studies have shown that women are most attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Why would women be attracted to that, you ask? It’s all part of the mystery and anticipation she loves so much. It’s exciting! She wants to slowly unravel you, like taking her time opening a wrapped gift or turning the pages of a book. The whole reason for dating is to get to know each other. When she learns everything about you over the phone, she has little reason to see you in person. Women feel validated by the attention they can command from men. They don’t need to sleep with you to feel fulfilled, like it is with us men.
Further Killing The Mystery
Many men continue killing the mystery and lowering attraction by always initiating contact with her. Whether you realize it or not, this is a bit on the needy side. It’s subtle, but still needy. You’re basically putting in extra effort to reassure her and keep things afloat. Plus, on a more subtle level, it communicates that you don’t have confidence in the fact that she likes you. Essentially, you’re communicating that it’s YOU who needs reassurance.
There’s nothing wrong with her knowing that you like her, but she already instinctively knows that you like her just by you asking her out on dates and flirting with her. There’s no need to reassure her even more. Like I said, she wants to unravel that mystery about you. She wants to wonder about you and try to figure you out. Not only does this keep her engaged with you, but it also raises her attraction level. Too much texting and too much initiating contact with her will only hurt her attraction for you. So, you need to keep a little mystery about you, especially when you just begun dating, but also throughout the entire relationship.
In the beginning of the courtship it IS important that you initiate contact so you can arrange dates. You cannot expect a woman to chase you when you’ve only been on a couple of dates, or no dates at all; especially before consummation. However, after several dates you will probably notice that she will begin to initiate contact more.
In order to balance things out and to keep yourself from too much texting, let her initiate contact a majority of the time. When she does, you want to keep the conversation relatively short and sweet. Be fun, upbeat and charming with a little playful banter, but then get right to the point. Tell her that you want to see her and ask her when she’s free. This is similar to the old showbiz trick; leave her wanting more of you. She’s going to be excited to see you, she’s going to WANT to reach out to you, because she can’t wait any longer. Let her come to you, and when she does, take the initiative and arrange a date. Then you simply just focus on having fun with her and gently leading things into the bedroom.
This really all you have to do. She will take care of keeping in touch with you and turning things into a relationship, IF she really likes you and you’re doing everything right. There’s nothing wrong with you reaching out occasionally, sharing a joke or a tune, but do it sparingly. She needs time to wonder about you and to miss you. When her curiosity reaches a breaking point, she’s going to reach out to you to connect and get a little reassurance from you. Give her that reassurance with your playful charm and by arranging a date.
I Can Help You
Do you feel that your girl is pulling away due to too much texting? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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