I get this question more than I thought I would; “should I buy my girlfriend gifts?” On the other hand, some of my coaching clients have been telling me how they have been showering their girlfriend with gifts, flowers and the like. Of course there’s nothing wrong with buying and giving your girlfriend gifts, per se; however, it MUST be in moderation. So many men are always giving their girl flowers, chocolates, material items, or even giving her money to help pay the bills. While that’s very sweet and thoughtful on the surface, you also have to understand the message that you’re sending when you do these sort of things. It’s important to know when it is and is not appropriate to buy her gifts.
Should You Buy Your Girlfriend Gifts?
It’s important to understand what you’re communicating when you’re showering your girl with gifts. There are several ways that she could receive the message. While she may enjoy the gifts at first, eventually she’s going to start seeing them as either you compensating for something that you don’t have. As an example, you feel that she won’t like you for who you are, so you have to buy her gifts and give her money in order for her to like you. It could also be seen as a bribe for her love, sex and affection. Either way, you’re setting the tone of the relationship by giving her all these gifts; and yes, flowers and expensive dinners fall into this category.
I actually have a past article about how it’s the man’s job to set the tone, and by showering her with gifts she’s going to come to expect this behavior from you for the entirety of the relationship. Not only that, but she’s going to take full advantage when she comes across something that she likes and wants, suggesting that you buy it for her. And most men are going to expect something in return for all this money they’re spending on their girl. Basically, the relationship turns into a transactional one. You buy her gifts, give her money and take her out to fancy dinners or events and in return, you get her love and sex in return. Many men and women believe this is how relationships work. And that may “work”, but that love and sex will never be genuine.
Do really want love and sex from a woman that you had to buy? Isn’t that pretty much prostitution?
When Is Buying Your Girlfriend Gifts Appropriate?
I’m not saying you should never buy your girl gifts, or take her out somewhere nice where you wine her, dine her, and treat her like your queen. That’s something that you should do occasionally in order to make her feel special. You must make your girl feel special. However, you only want to do this occasionally, when she’s a committed girlfriend (or wife), and only when it’s something genuinely from your heart. Just make sure that it’s truly from the heart and not used as a way to get her attention or try to win her love or approval. That’s called supplication. Believe me, women know the difference between doing something from your heart, as a bribe or if it’s simply groveling.
When you buy your girlfriend gifts and it’s done out of genuine love, it actually means something to her. She’ll appreciate it and love you even more because of it.
Now, of course I’m not talking about those days when a gift or a nice night on the town is expected, such as; birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s day or whatever. It’s all those days in between that count.
Unexpected Gifts Are The Best
So, if and when you buy your girlfriend gifts, flowers or a fancy night out; it’s best to do this when it’s completely unexpected. In other words, going out and getting her some jewelry because you pissed her off isn’t going to work in the way that you think it will, nor is it necessary. Or, when she’s rejected you or pulling away and you send her a dozen roses to her work. That’s just pathetic supplication, and that will only turn her off more. You want to save the gifts for when you’re feeling it, much like women won’t be showering you with affection unless SHE is feeling it.
You also want to think about what kind of gifts you’re giving her. I mean, what’s better than spending money on gift for her from the heart? A gift from the heart using your creativity. This simply just means to put some thought into it.
Creative Gifts From The Heart
Sure, you can buy your girlfriend gifts that are typical; flowers, jewelry, perfume, vacations, etc. However, when you put some thought into it to where it has meaning, it suddenly isn’t about the material object given to her, but the meaning behind it. If your girl is the type who enjoys flowers, she will love them. On the other hand, she most likely has received flowers numerous times from many different men. As man, your goal should always be to stand out above the other men. So, why not put some creativity into your gift where she will never forget it?
As an example, I once dated a girl who was very sentimental. She saved many material memories from her past. I knew from the beginning that our connection was a special one, so I saved the bottle from our wine on our first date. After we had been together for several months and the relationship had been solidified, I wanted to give her something nice to express how I felt about her, but memorable. I remembered that I still had the empty wine bottle from our first date. So, I went and bought some drip candles for the bottle and a fancy wine gift bag. She loved it! It even became the centerpiece of her dining room table. For the next couple weeks she would send me photos of her burning the candles in the bottle.
So, keep your gifts and fancy dates far and few between. When you give your girlfriend gifts, do it when they’re least expected, outside of gift-giving holidays. You also want to put some thought and creativity into them. And whatever you do, do NOT ever give a woman a gift or spend a lot of money on dates BEFORE you sleep with her. That will only give her the impression that she has you wrapped around her finger, causing her to hold out on sex for much longer. Finally, NEVER buy your girlfriend gifts in order to chase her validation or approval.
I Can Help You
Need some ideas on what kind of gifts to buy your girl, or if it’s even appropriate to give her a gift? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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