Jealousy tests are a real thing! Most men get so jealous when their girl gives attention to another man, or even flirts with another man. I saw a video post in Instagram from another men’s coach. In it this girl was flirting in front of her boyfriend. The post asked if flirting is cheating. I was shocked that the overwhelming response from men who consider themselves “alpha” was that flirting IS cheating..& worse, they seemed quite angry about it. The rest of the responses were suggesting that it’s the path to cheating.
That’s ridiculous! I don’t think I’ve ever noticed so many insecure men in one place; especially men that consider themselves high value, lady killers. In fact, I instruct you guys to continue flirting whether you’re in a relationship or not. Of course if you’re in a committed relationship where you’re an exclusive couple, then you should never cross the line into cheating—if you make a promise to be faithful, then you should stick to your promise—but, there’s nothing wrong with flirting. Personally, I’m a natural flirt.
Flirting is a great way for men to continue practicing game so you don’t get rusty. For one thing, you always want to continue flirting with your girl whether you’ve just met her or you’ve been together for over 20 years. It’s partly what makes you attractive to her.
The other upside to flirting is that it demonstrates to your girl that other women find you attractive. Because of this, it will subtly remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place, & that other women see it too. This helps to maintain her attraction, but it also helps to encourage her to stay on top of HER game & to keep YOUR interest. I actually did a video about this a while back called, “Having options in a long term relationship”. I recommend that you check it out so you get a better understanding on how to do this without getting yourself into the doghouse with your girl.
But back to HER flirting…it’s certainly not cheating & getting upset that your girl is flashing a smile to another man, or giving off a flirtatious giggle because another man said something witty that caught her attention, is only making you look insecure. It lowers your perceived value.
Does a confident man who knows that he’s the prize get nervous that he might lose his girl to another man? No. Why? Because he’s the prize. He knows his worth & he knows his worth is certainly more valuable than some random guy who caught your girl when she’s already in a happy & flirty mood because she’s with you.
Besides, oftentimes women will purposely flirt with another man right in front of you to see if she can get a reaction out of you. This I called a test. To be more specific, a jealousy test. It’s one of the many tests women put men through to test his confidence & to find out if he’s congruent with the man he has presented himself to be.
Now, there are numerous ways that that women can test you when it comes to jealousy tests. Most of the time I would say that you know exactly when she’s trying to make you jealous. Perhaps she’s flirting with a guy right in front of you. Maybe she’s telling you about some guy that she finds attractive. She might talk highly about a guy she met out the night before. Or, she may even tell you about guys that hit on her. It can really come in many forms.
I noticed that a majority of men go from 0 to 100 immediately & start getting angry. Oftentimes accusing her of being disrespectful. But is it disrespectful? Well, kinda. But she’s not giving you jealousy tests to disrespect you or to hurt you. She’s doing it see if you react emotionally, which ultimately will authentically reveal your level of confidence & self worth.
You’ve Been Tested Before
I’m sure you’ve experienced jealousy tests before. Maybe you’re out for a night on the town & having a great time. You couldn’t be happier! You go grab a few drinks at the local bar where some handsome fellow starts up a flirty conversation with her. She giggles, maybe gives you a quick glance, then puts her hand on his arm & laughs more. This is a clear sign of a test. She even looked your way to make sure that you were watching.
Now, most tests come out of nowhere. You’re not expecting a test at all; even when you know of these tests, which most men do not realize that they’re always being tested by women. For the record, women typically don’t even realize that they’re testing you. It’s just part of their instinct, but once in a while it’s on purpose & completely conscious. Most of the time women’s tests are completely SUBconscious. So, don’t get upset with women who are just doing what nature dictates them to do. Instead, learn how to recognize her tests & pass them, & of course work on your inner game so you pass these tests naturally.
They’re Meant To Surprise You
As I mentioned, these jealousy tests typically come out of left field, completely catching you off guard. If she prepared you for these tests, then she wouldn’t be getting an authentic response or reaction from you. She wants an authentic response so she can see just how strong & confident you really are. Are your displays of confidence real or are you just putting on an act? That’s what she wants to know…what she NEEDS to know. Women value strength & confidence in a man, perhaps more than anything else. It’s very attractive to them & they need to know if it’s real.
Why Women Test Men
Think about a beautiful woman you’ve been dating. One night you sleep over her place & discover in the morning that she looks like a completely different person without makeup on. Perhaps she’s wearing other things that, say, make her waist look slimmer, or accentuates certain body parts that you were always attracted to. Discovering that she’s not who you thought she was would make you would feel cheated or deceived. Of course you want to know this stuff as soon as possible so you don’t get attached to someone who is deceiving you. Well, that’s basically what women are doing with their tests, except women need this reassurance over & over again throughout the entire relationship. So, she tests you throughout the entire relationship, & she will continue to test you until she either feels assured, or until the relationship ends.
Sometimes women will test you over & over again, because she knows you’re stronger than you’re behaving. She’s basically testing you until you man up. So, it’s a good idea to see tests as her pushing you to be a stronger man. She wants you to pass these tests! As a side note; women will only test you if they feel attraction for you. So, for those of you who see these tests as a negative thing, they’re actually quite positive in a roundabout way. Yes, they can be a pain, but she’s really just looking for some playful displays of your masculinity.
Responding To Jealousy Tests
So, how do you respond to a woman trying to make you jealous? Well first, NEVER react. At most, only respond. By respond I mean, you’re not getting emotional. You’re calm, cool, collected & there’s no better way to demonstrate that than to be a little playful & lighthearted about it.
Gauging Your Response
A playful response won’t make sense in every scenario, but playfulness is the goal as much as possible. You do want to be lighthearted unless she’s truly being disrespectful. What’s disrespectful in this case? I would say if she were exchanging phone numbers, allowing him to touch her, getting a little too close to each other, or of course making out. You’ll know it when you see it. If you run into that, I would suggest that you walk out the door & never give her a minute of your time again. If she did that in your presence, just imagine what she would do if you weren’t around. There’s no second chances for that sort of thing. BUT, notice how I didn’t say anything about getting angry or lecturing her about how she was wrong. Keep your cool…& walk away.
But, if she’s just trying to make you jealous by flirting, subtly rubbing another guy in your face or anything similar, she’s not necessarily being disrespectful. She’s just trying to get a reaction out of you to test your confidence & character. So, you want to RESPOND with indifference, or preferably playful indifference.
As an example, say you’re with her at a bar or party or something. You see your girl flirting with some guy. Simply walk over with a smile on your face & confidently introduce yourself. Give him a nice firm handshake so he knows that you’re not a chump. Boom! You just passed her test.
Or, say she’s rubbing some guy she met in your face, telling you how attractive he is & how he was hitting on her. Instead of getting angry, give her tips on how she can pick the guy up & take him home. Boom! You just passed her test. Though, sometimes when a girl is telling you how men hit on her is her way of communicating that she’s in demand. Either way, you handle it the same way; playfully pushing her away from you.
Handling it this way in both of those scenarios will leave her thinking, “Damn, he’s confident. That’s sexy!”
On the other hand, getting angry, lecturing her on how disrespectful she’s being, or pouting in the coroner will have the opposite effect.
Is Jealousy Always Bad?
It’s okay to get a little jealous occasionally, but it must be controlled. You can’t lose your composure or get possessive. When jealousy is displayed in this way, as long as it’s only occasionally, she will kinda like it. It conveys that you love her & you don’t want her with any other men besides you.
As an example, say she’s telling you how she would never actually go through with it if any man comes onto her & flirts with her. You just approach her, making direct eye contact, pull her into you by the waist & say something like, “You better not”, then kiss her passionately. She’ll be soaked!
But as you can see, it’s really not that difficult. It’s really just a matter of you controlling your own emotions & staying centered & confident in your own value. Remember, you are the prize & she’s the luckiest girl in the world. And by confidently handling these sorts of tests correctly will leave her believing that you’re the prize & that she is, in fact, the luckiest girl in the world.
I Can Help You
Are you having trouble with her jealousy tests? Is her interest level low? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.
If you’d like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.
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