Men must chase women initially, in the beginning of the courtship; it IS the man’s job for the most part. I realize you guys have heard me say to NOT chase women, which is true, but when in the dominant role you must take the lead. So, it’s your job to initiate the courtship & to get the ball rolling. In other words, men must chase women a bit in the early stages by flirting with her, playfully teasing her, arranging dates, & ultimately showing her that you want & desire her.
In most cases, women will not be the aggressor when it comes to initiating dating or the courtship. Sometimes they will even purposely play a little hard to get just to see how much you really like her. They will do this by not being too available, whether that be not being very responsive to your calls or texts, or by not being available for dates. In some cases, they may even cancel on a date that you’ve already arranged. See this as a test of sorts. Not only do they know that men must chase women in the very early stages of dating, but they’re judging your level of interest by your persistence.
Men Must Chase Women Initially
Sometimes you don’t know whether a woman is playing a little hard to get, or if she’s just not interested. Oftentimes, when a woman is not interested, she will not be direct about her lack of interest. Despite what it may feel like at times, women don’t want to hurt your feelings. Better yet, they don’t want to put themselves in a potentially dangerous situation. Some men take it very personally when a woman rejects them & they react aggressively or angrily. Regardless of the reason behind her lack of interest, you have to know if you should persist or not.
It’s important that you pay attention to the signs. As an example, if a woman rejects or declines your date invite twice in a row, that’s a good sign that she’s not interested. However, it also isn’t a definite sign. That doesn’t mean that you should continue to chase her, though. Another example would be, a woman showing you signs of high interest upon meeting her, but once you contact her for a date, she’s unavailable. Does this mean she’s no longer interested? Not necessarily. It could very well mean that she’s testing YOUR interest level.
Persistence Is Important
You don’t want to give up so easily upon rejection. If a woman has shown you interest initially–perhaps by giving you a lot of attention, &/or giving you her phone number–there’s a good chance that she’s just testing you a bit by playing a little hard to get. For one thing, women never want to be seen as easy; they’re very aware of their reputation. They also want to see how interested you are in THEM before they invest in you. Sure, you can give-up & walk away, but if you really like her you may be passing up a great girl.
She was giving you lots of IOIs (indicators of interest) when you met, but now she’s declined on your date invite. Or, perhaps you had a date arranged & she contacted to tell you that she has to cancel. So, what do you do? First, don’t take it personal & get angry. Politely tell her that you understand & that perhaps you can get together another time. Then kindly end the interaction, even if she continues to want to talk to you. I recommend that you do NOT try to arrange another date right on the spot. Instead, you give it about 8-10 days & you contact her again & invite her out with you.
She Declines Again
As I stated above, if she rejects you for a second time in a row, you will not be asking her again. Again, politely end the interaction, telling her to get in touch if she wants to get together in the future. Assume you won’t hear from her again, but you might. By leaving the door open for her & not burning any bridges, some women have been known to have a change of heart later. You really don’t know what’s going with her in her personal life. Perhaps she just broke-up with her boyfriend when you first met her, but her ex came back only for them to break-up again. My point being, she may be going through something that has nothing to do with you. If she does have interest later, leave the door open for her & move on.
Healthy “Chasing” Dynamics
You do NOT want to chase women when they’re putting in little to no effort, when they’re making it extra difficult, giving you excuses, &/or never making herself available. And this doesn’t matter if it’s the beginning stages, or if you’ve been together for 30 years. That’s what I mean when I say that you should never chase women; it’s when they’re not chasing you or investing in you at all.
If you want to put a number on it; ideally, when initiating the courtship & getting it off the ground, you will be chasing her probably 80-95% of the time. However, after a few months, if you’re doing everything right, you will begin to notice that she will begin chasing you more. This is when the chasing dynamic begins to shift, & once it has completely flipped, you really want her chasing you at least 60% of the time. Of course this means that you should be chasing her no more than 40% of the time.
Shouldn’t It Be 50/50?
You may be thinking, shouldn’t the chasing be 50/50? Yes, in a perfect world, it should be 50/50. However, as I’ve said in other videos, women must look UP to her man, in terms of sexual market value, in order to maintain her attraction. You want to be a catch in her eyes. When the chasing dynamic is completely equal, she’s not looking up to you. When you’re chasing her more, outside initiating the courtship, she will be essentially looking down on you, because technically you have her on a pedestal.
And the way women chase is MUCH more subtle & indirect than the way men chase. For the most part, we’re very obvious in the way we chase a woman, but women are typically not as obvious.
Women will more or less find a way to put themselves into your orbit. They will contact you “just to say hi”, or just happen to show up at the same place where you are, or plot out some plan to make sure that you are both at the same place at the same time. From there, they are HOPING you will get the hint & do something about it. So, a women chasing a man is much less obvious than a man chasing a woman.
Men Must Chase Women First
You meet a girl & get her number or arrange a date. The date goes well. There’s a spark & a connection; you clearly like each other. You keep phone or computer contact to a minimum, while arranging a date approximately once a week until she begins to hint or mention seeing you more. You’re not pretending that you’re not interested or that you don’t like her; you’re just not making it super obvious. In other words, she’s pretty sure that you like her, but there’s still a bit of a question mark behind it.
After you’ve been on several dates she will slowly begin to initiate contact with you more & more. This is even more likely if you’ve slept together at least twice. What she’s doing is, she’s hinting at wanting to see you more. In other words, she’s starting to chase you a bit, but it’s very subtle. This is typically a signal that she wants you to arrange a date or getting together in some way, shape or form.
She Begins To Chase You
This is when you can slowly begin to back off on initiating contact with her so much. The chasing dynamic is slowly turning around to where she’s actually beginning to chase YOU. However, it’s still your job to arrange & plan dates, initiate sex, & so on. As the man, you still have to take the lead! However, at this point, she’s making it super easy for you, because it’s really her that’s doing the chasing. You’re letting her come to you at her own pace. When she does, you arrange a date. She’s essentially putting herself into your orbit.
If a woman isn’t putting herself into your orbit, or overtly asking for your time, then she’s not that interested. In rarer cases she’s expecting you to chase her. You can chase her a little in order to get the courtship on track, or back on track, but like I mentioned before, if she’s not putting in effort & making herself available, then you don’t want to be wasting your time. There are plenty of other girls out there that would be happy to make themselves available for you & spend time with you. You don’t want to keep coming at a girl that’s not reciprocating. Just chalk it up to it being her loss & go meet some new women.
I Can Help You
Are you having issues with pursuing a new girl in your life? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.
If you’d like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.
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