My Girlfriend Lost Feelings For Me – Please Help!
Question from a reader – I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 3 months. I’ve known this girl for 4 years & it wasn’t like a friend zone thing or anything over the past 4 years. Before June we just texted casually for the past 3 years as friends. It wasn’t until late June that we started to flirt more and hang out. Long story short, we got together and went in a relationship. It’s been an amazing time together. We both said we love each other and had a future in mind. I always helped reassured her that I was there for her and she really appreciated and showed it.
Just 3 weeks ago, she started back at school again. She’s been really stressing out and in turn showing less and less of her love toward me. She has also been going through some bad family problems. Just last week she recently sat me down and told me that she just lost the feelings she had for me and said we should break up. She told me I was perfect, I did nothing wrong and that it was her. I know it’s been a short amount of time for these feelings but still I feel terrible and been sad about it for a week. I tried fighting for her telling her I want to be there and help her through everything, but it doesn’t bring the feelings back for her. I want to still be with this girl, I haven’t had any contact with her for like 4 days now, is there anything I can do to save this? There’s no way feelings like that change so quickly and I know deep down she still feels the same.
Why Your Girlfriend Lost Feelings
Based on what I can tell from your story it seems that perhaps your girlfriend lost feelings for you because things were moving too fast for her. I realize it’s counter-intuitive but too much too soon causes women to respond negatively. She begins to think that you have nothing else going on in your life. Typically, when a woman loses feelings it means that she’s lost attraction for you, or the “spark”. If you’re not complacent (which it doesn’t sound like you were) it’s almost always because you came on too strong and she knew that she had you. Of course logically you’ve done nothing wrong, however your actions aren’t triggering the right emotions in her that causes her to theoretically want to ‘tear your clothes off’.
For now, give her space and stop trying so hard to “fight for her”. This will backfire if you continue. If your girlfriend lost feelings, you must re-attract her, not try to talk her into it. When/if you speak to her again, you must be emotionally centered. You want to give her a little mystery and challenge from now on; some things that make her wonder about you and cause her to put in some extra effort to earn your love. If she earns it too easily she’ll begin to lose attraction again. If someone were to give you a brand new car it won’t mean as much to you, as opposed to you having to work hard to buy your own car. See what I’m saying? On the other hand, if she has to work too hard for it she’ll also lose attraction. So it really is a delicate balance that you’ll learn over time. If nothing else, just mirror her effort/attention level. This will help you from doing too little vs. doing too much.
This can be difficult to master overnight, as it does take some practice but, recognizing it is the first step. You want to have an indifferent attitude meaning, you’re happy if you have her but you’re just as happy if you don’t. The best way to develop this mindset is to fill your life with activities and socializing that doesn’t involve her or any other special woman. This gives you options & prevents you from becoming too fixated on one woman. Plus it builds confidence!
As far as how to behave when communicating with her on any level from here on out, always be charming; keep things light and playful, and have a slight attitude of cocky humor. It’s hard for a woman not to be attracted to a guy with that attitude.
I’m not saying that you should never tell her that you love her, you just have to be aware of where she’s at emotionally. In other words, if she told you that she loves you once & then you start saying it every night, you’re heading down the road to dumpsville. Another thing to keep in mind is that any time you say it or express it you must do it without an attachment to receiving something in return. Women are much more intuitive than us guys so they know when we do things as a “bribe”. I’m not saying you’re doing that, it’s just something to be aware of when you start throwing around the “love” word.
Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation & I may use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected).
If you have found any of this info helpful & you would like to show your appreciation, please donate here. Thank you!