One of the most difficult tasks in a long term relationship or marriage is getting your needs met consistently. When you’re needs are not being met you will find yourself quite unhappy. When a man is unhappy in his relationship it often causes him to completely withdraw, or to begin behaving in needy ways. To be clear, being needy and wanting your needs to be met are two different animals.
Not long ago I wrote an article about how women do not love men unconditionally. In it, I discuss how when you’re doing everything right and she’s very happy and in love she WILL love you unconditionally. However, once you start screwing up, whether that be you became too cold, complacent and neglecting her; or if you have become weak, needy and supplicating, her love for you will fade away.
You may think that because of this, you must be bending over backwards and jumping through hoops just to keep a woman interested in you. While it does take a lot of work, both raising and maintaining your own value, and making sure that she feels loved and special, the burden isn’t all on your shoulders as it may seem.
I get a lot of comments and emails asking me why it’s all the man’s responsibility. It’s not all the man’s responsibility. I’m not coaching women, I’m coaching men. Naturally I’m not stating what women should be doing in order to maintain a man’s love and attraction. Though, I think it’s time that I begin teaching you guys some things that you can do in order to keep a woman working to keep you, as well as, you working to keep a woman.
Having Your Needs Met Matters
As a man, you need to have your own conditions and boundaries too. Just because a woman is hot and good in bed, while very important, it’s not enough to keep a man happy in the long term. You have to make sure that all your needs are being met in a relationship. If you don’t, you will end up unhappy and unfulfilled. And men who are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship often become needy, or as I mentioned, just completely withdraw.
Any woman that’s in love with you wants to make you happy. However, due to the fact that many men do EVERYTHING for their girl, thinking they’re being chivalrous, women often get lazy and complacent in the relationship. While you DO have to communicate where she’s falling short, whining and complaining will only come across as a weakness. This will ultimately turn her off.
So, what’s a guy to do in order to get his needs met when she’s being lazy, complacent and uncooperative? Because you can bet that if her needs aren’t being met she will either make your life miserable or leave the relationship.
When Her Needs Are Not Met
Both men and women love conditionally to some extent. However, men are typically much more tolerant of their girl not carrying her weight, where women are not really tolerant of it at all.
Women will give men a chance to rectify their short comings for a certain amount of time. Unfortunately, when a woman communicates this to her man, it’s quite often done in a very subtle and indirect manner. The problem is, men typically do not really pick up the message she’s trying to convey. This results in a woman finally giving up and ending the relationship. The man is left thinking this happened overnight and out of the blue. This is not something that happened suddenly, however.
Most women will try to warn you where you are coming up short or turning her off. The trick is, you have to listen to what she’s actually saying. You may hear the words coming out of her mouth, but you must realize that you really have to be reading between the lines in order to understand what she was really trying to communicate.
Women Must Carry Their Weight
Men, you cannot tolerate your girl not carrying her weight in the relationship, because the more you tolerate it, the more she will take advantage. That’s not just women, that’s human nature.
On the other hand, the more you whine and complain about it, the more she will continue doing it. The reason why she will continue is, because she discovered a weakness in you. When women discover a weakness in a man they typically exploit it. It’s just another form of shit testing you. Basically, she wants to see if you’re going to be a man about it and take a stand, or are you going to sit back and take it. When you tolerate it, she loses respect, ultimately losing attraction for you. You can’t blow up at her, either, because that’s losing frame and control of your emotions. This is also a weakness.
So, what’s left then? Well, you have to remove the time and attention that you would typically invest in her and the relationship.
When Your Needs Are Not Met
Women get validation from the attention they receive. So, when she’s not holding up her end in the relationship and meeting YOUR needs, you do want to talk to her about it first. Be direct and don’t beat around the bush so what you’re communication is clear. Then, you want to give her a chance to rectify where she’s coming up short. However, if she continues down this path or she doesn’t remedy the issue, then you pull your time and attention away.
This isn’t about being passive aggressive. After all, by this time you have already tried to communicate all this to her. Either your needs are not that important to her, or she’s simply testing you to see if you’re for real or not.
Now, if she’s upset about your distance, simply remind her that you have explained what is expected from her. She may push back a bit, perhaps even get a little angry with you, but you just have to stick to your guns. You will never get your needs met if you cave. Keep in mind, she would absolutely pull away from you if her needs weren’t being met.
Maintain Your Frame
You cannot bluff. She will most likely test you to see if you’re serious. So, you have to actually follow through and stick to it so she knows you mean business.
This is one of the many areas where it’s helpful that you have a life outside of your girl and the relationship. You must have some purpose in life, not only for yourself, but it makes this sort of thing much easier.
Most men are scared to death to follow through with something like this, because they fear losing their girl. And if you fear that you may lose her, that will just cause all kinds of problems for you, because you begin acting needy and weak. And for the record, the lack of fear in losing your girl doesn’t mean that you don’t care about her, or the relationship. It only means that you have self respect and you’re confident in your value as a man that she will not leave you over something so minor. If she does leave you over something like this, then she doesn’t value you much at all. It’s best to know that now, rather than years down the road.
Emotional Strength Is Key
Having this kind of emotional strength is partly what makes you attractive as a man. Women may not admit to it, but they WANT you to be strong like this, they WANT you to stand up to them. Just be sure that you standing up for yourself is within reason.
Yes, it’s much easier to try and not rock the boat. It’s much easier to do what it takes to keep your girl from getting angry. But, rocking the boat is what makes her feel alive. Plus, if you’re too passive she will eventually just walk all over you, and no woman wants a man who is a doormat.
This Is Setting Boundaries
Don’t think of this as some sort of childish punishment, playing games or manipulation. It’s none of that. These are your boundaries and having reasonable boundaries is part of a healthy relationship. I mean, she’s not meeting your needs, you have attempted to communicate that to her and she’s still not holding up her end in the relationship. Rather than causing unnecessary drama, whining and complaining, or starting an argument, you’re simply turning your attention elsewhere.
So, if she’s crossing the line with you, or your needs aren’t being met, you first have to communicate this to her. Succinctly tell her that she’s crossing the line or your needs aren’t being met. Then, tell her what you would like and expect from her. Give her some time to rectify the issue. If she does not follow through, then you begin to turn your time and attention elsewhere. You do this until, at the very least, you notice that she’s trying.
This doesn’t mean that you be a jerk towards her or ignore her. It’s only that she doesn’t get your full presence until you notice her putting in the effort. But, don’t forget, that you must hold up your end as well. A relationship takes two people both putting in equal effort.
I Can Help You
Do you need some getting your needs met with women? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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