Most men get this wrong. They believe that if they do something nice for their girlfriend or wife, they are entitled to her love or desire in return. This could be helping her around the house, or simply bringing her a bouquet of flowers. While she may very well appreciate the help or gesture, it doesn’t necessarily spark genuine love or desire in her. In fact, it usually doesn’t. Only in a man’s logical, rational thinking do we believe that these sort of gestures is some sort of contract or currency for genuine love or desire in return. Women, on the other hand, especially in romantic relationships, tend to act based on emotion and how you make them feel.
Genuine Love or Desire Cannot Be Negotiated
Relational equity is the belief that what a man does for the woman in his life is building up equity that he can essentially cash in when he so desires. In return, he typically wants sex or her adoring, undying love. A couple may have this sort of deal worked out; however, she rarely does it out of genuine love or desire. She does it out of obligation. She may begin to feel that maybe something is wrong with her, thinking that she should be having these feelings. He did all the right things, but she just doesn’t feel it. Men can tell that her actions lack any real emotion, and they get upset with her; wanting her to put some emotion into it. His girl becomes even less willing to hold up her end of the bargain. This snowballs into resentment and anger, and things just get worse from there.
A lot of therapists, counselors and even some coaches believe this arrangement will work, because why not? It totally makes logical sense. What they’re not taking into account is that emotions cannot be bargained, negotiated or forced.
Generating genuine Love or Desire
If you want your girlfriend or wife to have genuine love or desire for you, doing chores for her or buying her gifts isn’t going to do it in most cases. I’m sure she will be appreciative and she will have some growing affection for you; however, it has nothing to do with her growing attraction for you. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t do these things for her, but do it because you genuinely want to, and because you love her. Not because have any expectations of something in return. In fact, she’ll appreciate your efforts much more and you’ll be a lot more likely to generate genuine attraction doing things for her with authenticity and without expectations.
A much better way to raise her attraction level for you and receive the genuine love or desire from her is to be a strong, masculine presence in her life. You should be leading the relationship from your frame. You must also stand up to her if and when she crosses your boundaries, while the rest of the time you want to be fun, charming and playful with her. This requires confidence, self respect and living a positive and fulfilling lifestyle. These are the things you need to focus on. Stop trying to bribe the woman in your life with building so-called relational equity, because it’s not going to work the way you hope it will.
I Can Help You
If you need help developing a strong, masculine presence, or perhaps you are having some issues in your dating and/or relationship. I can help. Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
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