I was inspired to write this article after one of my YouTube viewers posted a link to his own article about how he decided to share feelings too soon and ended up in the friend-zone with a girl he really liked. This is one biggest mistakes I see a lot of guys making in the beginning stages of the courtship. They see this new girl that they just met, or perhaps have been out on a couple dates, as a real beauty. She’s hot, she’s sweet, she’s fun! Maybe they’ve noticed that they have a lot in common with her, and more importantly, she digs him.
Guys start thinking, “This is it! I finally met a hottie who’s into me just as much as I’m into her”. So, they begin to feel that they must do or say something romantic to ‘seal the deal’. Suddenly the mood changes. She begins feeling a little uncomfortable, dodging your calls or texts, she’s not available for dates, she’s not liking all your social media posts. The guy is left thinking, “What the hell happened? She was so into me, but now I can’t even get her to respond to my texts, let alone get her out on a date”.
What happened was, he decided to share feelings and showed his hand too soon. In turn, he killed the mystery and sexual tension.
Men Fall In Love With Their Eyes
When we first meet a woman where there’s a mutual attraction and a strong connection, it can almost feel like magic. And in a way, it is magic. I mean, how often does that really happen? Of course there are a ton of beautiful women out there, but a beautiful woman who’s also attracted to you AND there’s also a strong connection is rare. However, just because you’re feeling all these intense emotions, and that familiar ache in your balls, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it was written in the stars.
If you move too quickly, or share feelings too soon, you WILL scare her away no matter how she feels about you. The reason why is, because when a woman has interest in you she may be thinking, “Ooh, I met someone that’s good looking, makes me laugh an is interesting”. However, she’s also thinking, “I’m not too sure about this guy yet. Let’s see where this goes”. While the man is thinking, “She could be my wife and mother of my children. She’s definitely girlfriend material”.
It’s a fact that men typically fall in love with a woman much quicker than women fall in love with a man, contrary to popular belief. Plus, we have society telling us this is what women want, and we often are in a rush to the finish line, whether that finish line be sex or commitment.
Why You Should Not Share Feelings Too Soon
We have society telling us men this is what women want from us. Plus, we are often in a rush to the finish line, whether that finish line be sex or commitment. So, many men begin telling women everything that they THINK she wants to hear.
“I’m so happy we crossed paths.”
“I’m the luckiest guy in the world for having met you.”
“We would make a cute couple.”
“We would beautiful babies.”
“I think I might be falling for you.”
Sometimes guys will try to be funny and say, “You’re my future ex-wife”. But, it’s really communicating that same desperation.
Now, you may THINK that saying all these things are making her swoon, but what’s she’s really thinking is, “Is this guy for real? We JUST met.” Not only that, but part of the fun, excitement and mystery of a courtship for a woman is her slowly uncovering who you are. She enjoys wondering what’s going to happen next, wondering if you like her as much as she likes you, are you going to be sleeping together tonight, where is this all going?
By sharing all your feelings so soon it completely dissipates all the mystery and sexual tension. In other words, she knows that she can have you whenever she wants. Where’s the fun in that? There’s no excitement or anticipation in knowing exactly what’s going to happen.
To Share Feelings Too Soon Kills Anticipation
One of the reasons Christmas morning is so much fun when you’re a kid is, because you KNOW there’s something for you sitting under the tree! However, you have no clue what it is. It could be anything! Of course you hope it’s what you asked for, but you really don’t know. And that anticipation and excitement gives you an incredible high.
It’s really the same thing when two people begin the courtship. The longer that you can keep that mystery and anticipation going, the more you’re going to hook her in. Of course you do have to give her some little hints of your interest in a fun and playful sort of way. If you’re too aloof, she will lose interest. However, you also want to leave things open for interpretation. Women love to wonder about you and wonder what’s going to happen next.
It’s Not Just About Mystery & Challenge
There’s another reason why women will get turned off if they can win you over to quickly and easily. When a woman is screening as man for a potential mate, she wants to know that you will stick around. Women are always innately and subconsciously thinking in terms of their own and their potential offspring’s survival. While she may not be planning on having babies with you, her instinct needs to confirm that you won’t be leaving her and her children if another woman comes along. So, completely subconsciously, she’s thinking, if she can win you over so easily, what’s to stop you from going off with another woman as soon as she bats her eyes and gives you a cute smile?
I understand that this line of thinking doesn’t necessarily align with modern society and relationships. You must understand, that women are just biologically wired this way, whether that wiring is outdated or not. So, by you putting her in a position where she has to earn your heart, you’re actually sending her a message, “It’s not easy for just any woman to win me over. She must work for it and show me just how special she really is before I commit”.
And this really goes for any time a woman uses her feminine wiles in order to manipulate a man. The easier it is for her, the more she will be subconsciously thinking that any woman can do this to you; therefore you’re weak. Then her attraction begins to drop.
So, be sure to take things slow with women and don’t share your feelings too soon. Keep the courtship fun and mysterious, and give her the opportunity to earn your heart. She will love you more for it.
I Can Help You
Did you share feelings too soon with a girl & need some help? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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