The other day, a client of mine, going through a breakup, was confused about the actions his ex-girlfriend was making and he was wondering if it was breadcrumbing vs genuine interest. I thought this would be a good topic to cover, because it’s really easy to fall into the breadcrumbing trap, thinking it’s genuine interest. I want to explain the difference a bit, so you can determine whether you’re wasting your time, or if you should continue building attraction and being patient.
What is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when someone you have romantic interest in is giving you JUST enough of their time and attention for you to believe they also have interest in you. However, they’re really just leading you on, or stringing you along. Basically, they’re just dropping breadcrumbs for you and never giving you the full meal, so to speak. It can be very frustrating and a waste of your time if you’re not paying attention. In my experiences, this can come in three ways:
- You’ve just met a girl, maybe been on a date or two, and she realizes that she’s not feeling it. However, she wants to keep you around “just in case”, because she doesn’t have any better prospects at this time.
- You’ve been together for a while, but she has lost interest, perhaps she has met a new guy, but doesn’t have the guts to end things with you just yet. She wants to see where things go with this new guy before she pulls the trigger.
- She has recently broken up with you, but isn’t quite ready to completely let go. So, she keeps you as a backup just in case she realizes that she made a mistake.
For the most part, I don’t believe this a conscious, evil plan that they cook up just to mess with your head and your heart. It’s more of a matter of uncertainty and indecisiveness about they truly wand, combined with what you let them get away with. Regardless of the reason behind it, it’s a really selfish and shitty thing to do to someone.
Difference Between Breadcrumbing vs Genuine Interest
If she is, in fact, just breadcrumbing you, she will never fully commit to anything; dates, meeting up, etc. However, there’s a chance that she will agree to plans, but typically she’ll cancel at the last minute with no alternate dates, or completely blow you off.
If she has genuine interest, but she’s just not quite there yet; meaning, she’s just not feeling it as much as you. Or there’s something holding her back, maybe she’s just getting out of a relationship, she will be making some sort of effort. As an example, if she has to cancel plans, she’ll give you an alternate date. Or, if you two have broken-up and she has some sort of interest in getting back together, she’ll be putting in some kind of effort, whether initiating texts/phone calls or trying to see you. Bottom line, if she’s interested in some kind of future with you, she will make sure you know it on some level.
Women are typically much more subtle and indirect with their communication. So, you have to pay attention and really read the signs, objectively. Because most women won’t just come out and say it.
Is She Just Breadcrumbing You?
As I already mentioned, sometimes she IS interested, but for whatever reason, she’s just not 100% on board quite yet. This could be for a number of reasons, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Sometimes you have to just be a little patient and continue building attraction. Women and relationships is a marathon, not a sprint. You can’t force things with women. It will never work. It will only get you rejected. Of course, other times, she is just stringing you along, for the reasons I already mentioned above. The goal here is to figure that out, but not by asking her straight out.
The reason why you don’t want to ask her is because that’s using logic, and women are emotional creatures. She has to FEEL it. However, the masculine role is to gently lead the interaction. So, starting right now, tell her that you’d really love to see her and ask her when she’s free to get together. If she’s on board and agrees to that, then simply make a definite date with her. This means an actual day and time, and perhaps a place. The idea here is to see if she’s interested enough to go out on a date with you.
If She IS Breadcrumbing You
If she does not agree, just let it go. Accept it like a gentleman and just say something like, “Ok, maybe another time”. You’re not going to initiate any contact for at least a week, then try to ask her out one more time. If she doesn’t agree to a date the second time, respond the same way. However, this time you’re not going initiate contact any more. Let her reach out to you, from here on out. When/if she does reach out to you, keep your conversations short and end the conversation early. Just tell her something like, you’re a bit tied up or you have some things to take care of at the moment. Keep this up until she asks you to get together. If she doesn’t, just keep making the conversations shorter and shorter. Either she will eventually give in and ask you out, or she’ll stop contacting you all together. This way you’ll know for sure if you’re wasting your time or not.
In the meantime, you should be moving forward with your life and dating other women.
I Can Help You
Do you need help with a girl who may be breadcrumbing you, or are you having any issues in your dating and/or relationship? Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency coaching.
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