I’ve talked about how being too available with women actually lowers her attraction for you. In fact, if you’re always available to her she will eventually lose all interest in you. This can be difficult when you’re emotionally attached, or you have a very high level of attraction for her.
I mean, I get it…she’s hot, she’s fun, you have a ton in common and the sex is fantastic. Why wouldn’t you want to be making yourself available for that? Especially when she’s practically clearing her own schedule just to see or talk to you as much as she can. The thing is, when you’re too available to her, you’re actually sending her a subtle message. A lot of guys don’t even really realize that their being too available. When that happens, then she’s suddenly not as available as she used to be, leaving men very confused as to what he hell just happened.
Too Available = Low Value
It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or in a long term relationship, you have to understand what you’re communicating to a woman when you’re too available. Not only does it show her that you have nothing going on in your life besides her, but it also tells her that she has you and you put her above all else. In either case, the message that she’s receiving is that you’re a low value man. And women only want a high value man; a man that she has work for and earn his heart. By always being available to her, she really doesn’t have to put in much effort at all.
So, here are 7 of the most common ways a man is being too available with women.
Dropping Everything For Her
Probably the most common way men come across as being too available is dropping everything to answer her phone call or respond to her text messages. Now, I’m not saying to not answer her calls or respond to her texts, but if you’re busy with something, she can wait. If you actually have absolutely nothing going on where you are always available to pickup the phone, then it can’t hurt that you take your time responding once in a while. I’m not suggesting that you should play games, because it’s best that you do actually have important things going on in your life. However, if you don’t, it’s a good idea to at least give her that impression until you do have other things going on.
Initiating Contact Too Often
Another way that men come across as being too available is, when they initiate texts or calls too often. You shouldn’t be talking or texting too much over the phone anyway, but when you’re doing the majority of the initiating you’re actually killing the mystery for her. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to her once in a while, but you really want her to be initiating with you mostly. This will give her a sense of investing in you, & the more she invests, the more she feels attached, because, in her mind, you MUST be high value if she’s investing so much.
Cancelling Plans For Her
Something I used to do quite a bit when I was younger was, cancel plans with my friends or family because she wanted to do something or invited me somewhere. If that’s not making yourself way too available and putting her on a pedestal, I don’t know what is. If you already have plans, do not cancel them to be with her. Simply make plans with her for a another time. Handling it this way really will make you more attractive to her.
Keeping Your Schedule Open
A classic sign of a man who is whipped is, never committing to plans with others just in case his girl will be available. You want to commit to the plans that you want to be a part of, whether you’ve heard from your girl or not. You can always invite her along, and if she doesn’t want to go, or can’t make it, she’ll be missing out. She will have to contact you at a later time to hopefully schedule a date with you. You always want to give the impression that you’re moving forward with or without her; you’d like her to join you, but if she can’t, or won’t, come along, you’re not going to stop for her.
Spending Too Much Time Together
If you’re always spending time with her, you’re also clearly way too available to her. Whether you’re just dating, in a long term relationship or married, you must have a life independent from your relationship. What I mean by this is, you must have activities you enjoy that doesn’t involve her. This could be poker night, or shooting hoops with the boys, jamming in a band, or even taking classes for things that interest you. Not only is it good for you, but it creates a little mystery, gives you something to talk about and puts some much needed space between you two. Remember, attraction grows in space.
Sometimes your over-availability is subtle, but she’s still picking up on it if you continually tolerate her rescheduling plans at the last minute. Of course there will be some very rare times where there’s a legitimate reason for her needing to reschedule at the last minute; perhaps her mother was taken to the hospital, the babysitter canceled at the last minute, or something similar. However, it’s rare. Something like that you can let it slide, where you’re open for rescheduling. But, if it’s something where she’s making you a low priority or just plain rude, then you need to make yourself unavailable for a while. Obviously you can’t force her to keep plans if she doesn’t want to, but many men will make themselves available as a second choice, or the backup if she has nothing better going on.
Having A Clear Schedule
A not so subtle way of communicating your over-availability is, to actually tell her that you have nothing going on and your schedule is wide open. Sometimes it’s inevitable having a clear schedule, but you want to try to keep yourself as busy as possible with productive activities, or that of which brings you passion and joy. And then there are times when you just have to act like you have, at least, tentative or potential plans. If she asks what you have going on, and you don’t have anything to do, you can just say something like, “I’m not 100% sure yet. I may call so-and-so and we may go out”. That way you’re not really lying.
A Recap Of Being Overly-Available
- Don’t be so quick, or drop everything you’re doing, to answer her calls or respond to her texts.
- Let her initiate contact with you most of the time, as long as you’re arranging dates.
- Don’t cancel plans with family or friends to make time for her.
- Don’t leave your plans open-ended with others in order to be available for her.
- Be sure that you have a life and activities independent of the relationship.
- Don’t tolerate too many last minute cancellations or rescheduling of plans by her.
- And finally, don’t announce that you have nothing going on in your life besides her.
I Can Help You
Are you finding yourself a bit too available with your girl & need some help? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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