When I was younger sometimes my female friends would give me advice about a particular girl. They would tell me that I need to be more of a challenge with women. At the time I didn’t have a clear understanding what they meant; I interpreted that as being argumentative and confrontational. Of course this took the situation, or relationship, from bad to worse. I was no longer that overly-sweet “nice guy”, but now I was just an asshole; and not that type of asshole women find attractive. As I mentioned, I was argumentative and confrontational. Over the years, from much trial and error, I finally began to understand what was meant when female friends would tell me that I needed to be more of a challenge with women.
How To Be A Challenge With Women
Below are 15 ways that will make you more of a challenge with women in such a way where it will raise her attraction for you, as well as, cause some much needed sexual tension. Of course there are other ways to be a challenging, but this will help you to understand what makes you a challenge with women attractively.
Don’t Be So Agreeable
I used to this sort of thing all the time when I was younger; partly as a way to force a connection, as well as, a way to avoid any negative tension. However, if you’re just agreeing with her as a way to have a deeper connection, it’s inauthentic. She will eventually figure it out. If you’re just agreeing with her to avoid tension, hoping the girl will like you more because of that, that will backfire. She will eventually begin to lose respect for you and see you as a doormat. So, if you don’t like something that she says or does, don’t be afraid to disagree with her. She will respect you more for it.
Don’t Compliment Unless It’s Earned
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t compliment a woman unless she does something or you first. What I mean here is, that you do not compliment unless it’s deserved. Many men will throw out compliments left and right thinking it’s making the girl like them more. It doesn’t work that way. Plus, if you overdo it your compliments will lose all meaning.
Think about how often you receive compliments from women. Not very often, right? Women compliment men very sparingly. So, when you do get a compliment from a woman it really means something to you. Women get compliments from men all the time, especially if they’re very attractive. Women hear how beautiful they are several times a day, because men think girls will swoon simply because he thinks she’s beautiful. So, don’t compliment women unless it’s earned. If she dressed up hot for you, tell her how hot she looks. Is she genuinely funny? Feel free to tell her that. If it took her a lot of courage to overcome something, tell her how impressed you are.
Set High Standards
Men are often so wrapped up in praising women, or trying to prove themselves, that they’re not even thinking about what women are bringing to the relationship. A pretty face, a beautiful body and hot sex are all great, but that’s not going to be enough; not in the long term anyway. You want to ask her deeper, more intimate questions that are important to you. This way you’re showing her your standards and what you expect in a relationship simply through your conversations. Ultimately, this encourages her to step up to the plate and bring value into the relationship.
Don’t Buy Her Affection
I’ve actually spoke about this topic in this past. Many men shower their girl with gifts, thinking that she will like him more because of it. Women like you because they like you, not because you give them gifts or take them on expensive dinner dates. Something very occasional and from the heart is fine, but if you overdo it. Not only will she begin to take it for granted, but she knows that it’s more or less a bribe for her love and sex.
Let Her Invest In The Conversation
Many men feel the need to carry the conversation with women. They talk and talk, brag about their accomplishments and fill the void when the conversation hits a low point; mainly doing this to sell themselves. I mean, everyone loves to talk about themselves. While it’s your job to lead the conversation, you want to let her invest as well. Don’t talk so much. Ask her questions and actually listen to her answers. Encourage her to elaborate on her answers. If you hit a moment of silence, let HER fill the void, despite the moment being a bit uncomfortable. This will help you come across as more mysterious. Plus, the person who speaks the least is seen as being more confident.
It’s really easy to get completely wrapped up in the romance of a new relationship. You start thinking about how perfect this girl is, how you’re going to spend the rest of your life together, what you’re children will look like, how you’re going to propose. Then you begin talking about future dates and asking her if she’s seeing anyone else. By doing all this you’re coming across way too easy and killing any mystery and challenge about you.
Take it slow; one date at a time. Focus being strictly on having fun with her. Be objective about her and see where things go. Don’t make her beauty the only thing that matters. If she’s feeling it just as strong as you, let her bring up commitment. Remember, men are the gatekeepers of relationships and commitment, just as women are the gatekeepers of sex. She pursues the commitment and you, as the man, has the final say. This will help you be more of a challenge with women.
Have Female Friends
Here is another way to give women the sense that you have options and raise your social value. When women whom you have romantic interest in see that you have female friends, especially attractive female friends, they will naturally assume that these women value your presence, and feel safe and comfortable around you. You automatically pass some of her screening tests this way. Not only that, but it helps raise her curiosity about you, naturally making you a bit more mysterious; what is it about this guy where attractive women want to be around him?
Don’t Chase, Unless Chased
As I’ve said before, it’s your job to chase a bit in the beginning in order to initiate the courtship. However, if she’s being difficult, not available for dates or canceling them, not responding to texts or phone calls. Stop chasing her. This only makes you come across as weak and desperate, which is not attractive at all. The same goes for when you’ve been in a long term relationship with her; if she’s being difficult or not carrying her weight in the relationship, stop chasing her.
Don’t Be So Available
I believe I’ve covered this topic a couple times in the past. When you’re too available it sends her the message that you have nothing going on in your life besides her, and that you have her on a pedestal. This means, that when you’re dropping everything to respond to her texts or calls, canceling plans with friends to spend time with her, or always available for last minute invites from her, you’re too available. It will lower her attraction significantly. Studies have shown that men who are too responsive are actually quite unattractive to women.
Stop Proving Yourself
Yet another way to be a challenge with women is to stop proving yourself to them. You don’t need to go out of your way, bend over backwards and jump through hoops of fire in order to prove your worth or value to any woman. Just by simply spending time together and having meaningful conversations, she will learn how high or low your value really is. And if she tries to put you in a position where she wants you to prove yourself, laugh it off and tell her to get in touch when she wants to get together. Alpha men don’t need to prove themselves to anyone. They show their value through daily action.
Don’t Be So Affectionate
Of course there’s nothing wrong with being affectionate with women. When you really like a woman and have a high attraction for her, of course you’re going to touch her, kiss her, hold her and tell her how amazing you think she is. However, when you’re doing it too much she begins to feel smothered. And when a woman feels smothered by a man, she can’t wait to get away from him. Like everything with women, there’s a balance. If she’s not reciprocating affection AT LEAST as much as you’re giving it out, this is a sign that you need to dial it back a bit.
Never Give Full Disclosure
Part of getting to know a woman, and even a part of maintaining a long term relationship is; sharing stories, talking about how you feel, and sharing your hopes and dreams. However, especially on the first few dates, men tend to tell women everything about themselves. I used to do this same thing, because I wanted whichever girl I was with to know who I am, but what that’s really doing is ruining the mystery about you.
Women love to slowly uncover who you are. It’s exciting and mysterious. Think of it this way; you’re not going to go and tell people the ending of a great movie and ruin it for them. No, you’re going to let them discover it for themselves. It’s the same thing when it comes to dating. Let her slowly uncover you herself by asking questions and spending time with you. It’s one of the reasons she keeps coming back for more, because once a woman feels that she has you figured out, it’s really the beginning of the end.
Don’t Be So Compliant
This is another topic I’ve covered in the past. Men understandably want to make their girl happy and they want to do things for her in order to accomplish that. However, when you’re constantly and consistently rolling over, doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants, she will eventually begin to treat you like a doormat. This is because you allow it. This isn’t about never doing anything that she asks of you, only taking a stand and saying no to the things that you don’t want to do, or things that she’s perfectly capable of doing herself.
“Will you hold my purse, honey?” Pfft
Don’t Be So Accommodating
Similar to being overly compliant, many men are way too accommodating;
“Are you too cold? Let me get you a blanket”
“Are you hungry?”
“Are you thirsty?”
“Can I rub your feet?”
“It looks like you could use a back rub.”
See how pathetic that sounds? It’s okay to be a little accommodating, but overdoing it only makes you come across like her servant or slave. Women have no respect for men that overdo it with this stuff. If she’s uncomfortable, she will mention it; though, maybe not directly. So, as with all things that has to do with female communication, you may have to read between the lines.
So, those are 15 ways that you can be a challenge with women where it raises your value and she will also find it quite attractive. As you can see, none of them are very difficult; however, it may take some practice, as you’re most likely reconditioning yourself and your typical behavior.
I Can Help You
Do you need some help in being a challenge with women? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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