It’s often confusing for men, because we so often hear women say how much they love nice guys. So, men will then change their behavior in such a way where they believe they’re being more attractive to women, as “nice guys”. And it’s not just hearing that women like nice guys that makes men change their behavior, but so much other advice, as well.
“All men think about is sex. They’re all a bunch of perverts!”
“You must treat women with respect!”
“Ask a woman for her permission before you kiss her or make a move!”
“Love a woman for her mind, not for her body!”
Men Misinterpret “Nice Guys”
While all of those statements are true, they’re often misinterpreted. Our male logic twists them into something literal, when women don’t actually mean them in the same way they’re interpreted. As I often say, what women say and what they mean can often be two different things. They’re essentially speaking in girl language, where the meaning behind their words is somewhere between the lines. Obviously, men don’t communicate this way. What we say is what we mean. So, when we hear these statements from women, we take it at face value.
Men will behave like this only to turn around and see that same girl who just made all these rules making-out with the guy who’s a bit of a dick and follows NONE of her rules. Then we’re left scratching our heads wondering what the hell? So, obviously, women don’t always mean exactly what they say. Or at the very least, they break those same rules for the men they’re feeling a high level of attraction for.
When women say they want a nice guy, what they really mean is they want a masculine man who is also kind to her and respectful to others. They do not mean they want some sappy, sweet pushover who agrees with everything she says and telling her how much he loves her 30 times a day.
Below I have put together a list of the 10 main reasons why the typical “nice guy” doesn’t get he girl, and why women tend to gravitate towards the “bad boys”.
Nice Guys Are Not Genuine
With the focus being too much on being “nice” and being afraid to rock the boat or offend a woman, these men end up being inauthentic. Women sense this right off the bat and it causes them to put their guard up. They don’t know who the real man is. And women know that these are typically the guys who are angry underneath the surface. This could easily lead to stalking and abuse. As general rule of thumb, women want men to do and say what they want, and a woman will decide if she can accept the man for who he is or not from there.
Nice Guys Lack Self Respect
Again, with their main focus on being “nice”, these guys rarely set any personal boundaries. This naturally causes women, or anyone for that matter, to just walk all over them, because no one knows a nice guy’s boundaries. So, they inadvertently turn themselves into a doormat. But, because they typically won’t stand up for themselves, this disrespectful behavior continues. All the while she is losing respect for him. If a woman doesn’t respect you, she will never be attracted to you, nor love you. It’s perfectly acceptable to set reasonable boundaries. In fact, that’s part of a healthy relationship. Have respect for yourself and take a stand when women, or anyone, crosses the line with you.
Nice Guys Expect Return Favors
Many nice guys institute what is referred as “covert contracts”, which basically means that, in his mind, if he does something nice for a woman he expects something in return. So, again, they’re behaving in inauthentic ways. They’re not doing and saying things out of love or desire, but as a way to get something in return. If you expect something in return, you need to speak up. Otherwise, you should only being doing and saying things because it’s from the heart. Love is about giving freely. Of course a relationship is give and take, but you should never be doing certain things in order to get something in return. Genuine love and desire cannot be negotiated. Women will give because they love you and they want to make you happy, not because you’re nice or because you’re giving them something.
Nice Guys Are Predictable
Most women live boring, mundane, humdrum lives. However, women want to be with men who have fire inside them. They want men who stir things up and stand out from the rest of the crowd. That’s fun and exciting! But, nice guys are typically always trying to keep girls happy. They’re afraid to rock the boat and take chances, with both life and women. There’s no mystery about them, there’s no challenge, there’s no tension. Women don’t need, nor have a desire, to be with a man who doesn’t stimulate her emotions. Women are emotional beings and they enjoy experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions. Don’t be afraid to mix things up, and do and say things that are unexpected. Leave a little mystery about you. Be a bit of a challenge. Remember, predictability is boring AF.
Nice Guys Focus on Commitment
I realize how much we hear how women want commitment from men. We hear women complain how certain men won’t commit; we hear jokes about it in movies and on TV. So, nice guys want to be that one guy who gives them commitment. They want to be the hero and rescue her from all those noncommittal “jerks”. Not only is this exhibiting feminine energy, but women want to actually EARN a man’s commitment. When you give commitment so easily, she will never cherish it, because it came so easily. Always remember, men are the gatekeepers of commitment, just as women are the gatekeepers of sex. And speaking of sex…
Nice Guys Don’t Give Hot Sex
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that nice guys have a flawed technique. However, since there is little to no excitement, nor challenge or mystery, there is no sexual tension. And with no sexual tension, the actual act of sex is lackluster and lacks passion. Sexual tension typically comes from the masculine/feminine polarity. When there’s no push-back, since nice guys lean on the feminine side, there is very little tension, resulting in mediocre sex. Women love sex just as much as men, they just don’t obsess throughout the day like us. So, being able to sex her up really good will definitely help keep her attracted.
Nice Guys Aren’t As Playful & Charming
This is partly due to nice guys being afraid to say what’s on their mind, or afraid to offend a woman. One of the reasons why women love men who playfully tease them is, because that communicates the man isn’t afraid of her reaction. It’s also kinda fun. That’s attractive. The typical nice guy sees playful teasing as being a jerk, preventing himself from joining in the the fun banter. Plus, when you’re not afraid to say what’s on our mind, you say a lot more right, than wrong. It’s when you’re too carefully choosing your words that end up holding back, and women know it. This leaves her disappointed and emotionally unsatisfied.
Nice Guys Tell Women How Nice they Are
Announcing who you are is a classic sign you’re actually the opposite. Often times, nice guys will explain why they’re nice, or why they’re this or that. They do this as a way to paint the picture of who they want women to believe they are. However, this is typically compensating, because they know deep down they are not that person. So, they feel they have to make up for their lack in other ways. Again, women can sense this. Girls don’t want you to tell them who you are, they want to discover who you are. And they will eventually no matter what you tell them.
Nice Guys Are Not Direct With Their Intent
Again, this is typically due to fear or rejection, or fear of losing the girl. This is one of the ways men friend zone themselves, because she doesn’t know what his intentions are. If he wants a date, he will say something like, “Let’s hang out some time” instead of arranging a date. Rather than making a move on a woman, nice guys will often wait for the woman to make the first move. Being direct with your intent isn’t about mapping out exactly what you want with your words, but by taking the lead and being direct with your actions. Women love to be wanted!
Nice Guys Impose Their Sexual Values
Many nice guys are often judgmental about a woman’s freaky side. Of course no man has any desire for a ho, but just about every guy loves to get a little freaky with their girl in private. This falls in line with the lack of hot sex. Not only are nice guys communicating “nice” reserved sex, which is not very fun, but the woman will never feel sexually free. This isn’t just being judgmental about one woman’s sexual values, but any woman.
Anytime you place judgment on any woman’s freaky, sexual side in front of a woman you’re dating or interested in, she will make a mental note to NEVER go there with you. She doesn’t want you to judge her in the same way. In other words, if telling your girl how disgusting her best friend is for being a little freaky in the bedroom, you can expect your girlfriend to never do anything like that with you, even if she really likes it. She will save that for the guy who encourages her to be herself in the bedroom. But, since you’re too nice, and a little too judgmental, it definitely won’t be you.
The Kind of Man Women Are Drawn To
These are probably the most common reasons “nice guys” don’t get the girl, but there are plenty of other “nice guy” behaviors that are preventing many of you from having success with women.
And to be clear, it’s not about being a dick to women; though, being just a little bit of a dick once in a while will definitely keep her attraction up. But, you don’t have to TRY to be a dick. By simply standing up for yourself, not tolerating disrespect, putting your needs first, going after what you want, and doing what you please(within reason of course) will cover most of it. Most people think the man I just described is a “jerk” with women, but women find themselves very attracted to those men.
In fact, there’s a fantastic book that will help you wit your nice guy behavior. It’s called, “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover. I highly recommend it if you’re struggling in this area of your life. It will not only help you with your success with women, but it will also help you with success in life. This nice guy behavior isn’t only hurting you with women, but in many aspects of your life.
I Can Help You
Do you need some help with your “nice guy” behavior? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.
Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.
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